


california valley boys

by bbuckyy



Category: Bill & Ted (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Coming Out, Internalized Homophobia, Karaoke, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, gay author, gay bill s. preston esq., post bogus journey, they never propose to the princesses
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-13
Updated: 2019-02-13
Packaged: 2019-10-27 09:43:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,076
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17764412
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bbuckyy/pseuds/bbuckyy
Summary: Bill looked most downtrodden. They had had this conversation before, right after their adventure through time, and it made him feel as guilty then as it did now. He turned back to look at Ted, face once again examining his fingertips, brown hair turned golden in the afternoon sun. Bill felt sick as he remembered the secret he would take with him to his grave.





	california valley boys

**Author's Note:**

> alsdjfalsf i wrote this in like an hour and a half so it might not be The Best, but i hope you enjoy!! :-)

Bill and Ted had gone to the past and the future, heaven and hell, they were destined to literally save the world. And they were stuck in a rut. People had forgotten about the Battle of the Bands not too long after it happened, and Bill and Ted stopped getting recognized at the mall, or the music shop, or wherever they were loitering on any particular day. After their future-thems gave an earth-shattering performance, they managed to get the lyrics and chords down before their selves-to-be had to get back to the beautiful, peaceful future from whence they came. They had everything they needed to record and release _God Gave Rock n’ Roll To You_ as a single. Everything except for the talent.

Wyld Stallyns had finished rehearsal for the day, and Bill and Ted went off to find some hijinx to get themselves into while the Princesses learned about modern-day San Dimas. Ted was sat on a bench, examining the rough calluses that were finally forming on the fingertips of his left hand, dragging his thumb over the hard skin, when Bill bounced down next to him, handing him a large Coke slushie.

“Ok, hear me out dude,” Bill was motioning widely with his hands as he explained his latest band promo idea. “We get the van, and we hook it up so it like, explodes every time we, I dunno, park or something. And when it explodes, there’ll be fireworks that spell out “Wyld Stallyns rule and are totally gonna solve world hunger, so you should listen to our music”, or something like that. I guess that might be a little long.”

“Dude, that’s not gonna work.” He set his hand gently on his lap, completely ignoring his slushie. “We gotta actually try and do something. How can we expect people to wanna buy our albums if we can’t play?”

Bill looked most downtrodden. They had had this conversation before, right after their adventure through time, and it made him feel as guilty then as it did now. He turned back to look at Ted, face once again examining his fingertips, brown hair turned golden in the afternoon sun. Bill felt sick as he remembered the secret he would take with him to his grave. He swallowed hard and sprung to his feet.

“Then let’s learn! Let’s go do something productive, dude!” He raised his arms around him in triumph and determination as Ted finally looked up to meet his gaze, hair partially obscuring his eyes. “There’s gotta be an open mic or karaoke or _something_ we can do. We just gotta go find it!”

Ted’s lips parted into a wide grin, revealing perfect teeth, and squishing up his eyes so that they disappeared into nothing but radiant sparkles in the middle of Ted’s face. Bill’s arms dropped and his face grew solemn as his stomach lurched again, just about ready to vomit. Ted stood up from the bench, rising to a good few inches above Bill. Bill’s face flushed and he quickly turned around to hide it, pretending to march off into wherever, looking for an opportunity for stardom. They left their slushies on the bench.

* * *

 

 

Ted stood in Rogers’ Music Store pretending to look for open mic flyers, when he was really just checking out the new selection of electric guitars. Bill burst into the shop, bell jingling behind him as he leapt over to Ted, small blue paper crumpled up in his hand.

“Dude!” Ted whipped around to look at his friend. “You know the Runaway Bar?”

“Of course dude, that’s where Missy married your Da-”

“Shut up. The important thing is, they’re doing a karaoke night tomorrow! We should totally sign up!” Ted grabbed the flyer from out of Bill’s hand. His face was bright as he scanned the tacky font, but snapped back to seriousness as he reached the bottom.

“Dude.” He shoved the flyer into Bill’s chest; his eyes widened, and he felt his heart burn a hole through the soles of his converse as he tried not to wretch. “‘ _Singles only._ ’ Wyld Stallyns can’t all do a song if it’s just singles.” Bill furrowed his brow.

“Well what if only one person did it? One Wyld Stallyn is a Wyld Stallyn all the same, Ted my friend. Rock paper scissors?” His fist and inquisitive brow raised in unison as Ted rolled his eyes, reluctantly setting up the playing field for their contest.

“Rock!”

“Paper!”

“Scissors!”

They shouted “Shoot!” in unison as Bill revealed the rock that would destroy Ted’s scissors. He raised his arms above his head in victory as Ted rolled his eyes and stumbled back with a laugh.

“Fine. But I’m not gonna do any sappy shit.” He raised his eyebrows and pointed directly into Bill’s eyes. Every hair on his body stood in a salute to his dangerously fast heartbeat.

 

* * *

 

 

Bill sat at the small bar stool sipping a sour beer as Ted tried, and failed, to hide his nerves beside the mic stand. The MC/bartender looked at his clipboard as he leaned into the mic.

“Ok folks, up next we have Ted “Theodore” Logan with Disarm by Smashing Pumpkins! Give it up for Ted!” He slid back behind the bar as Ted approached the mic.

He stood limp behind it as the track began to play, looking down at the screen in front of him for his lyric cue. He looked up at Bill with his golden brown eyes as he started to sing. “Disarm you with a smile,” his voice cracked straight off the bat, spurring some light laughter from the audience and making his eyes dart from the screen, to Bill, back to the screen. “And cut you like you want me to.” His voice peaked perfectly on the high notes, squinting his eyes just a little bit. Bill had to turn away.

The song went on, Ted’s voice rising and falling in a most unexpectedly beautiful way. The way he closed his eyes and gripped the mic stand almost made it sound like he wrote the song himself. He sung of burning and aging and sympathy like he had just invented the words, sending occasional glances and giggles towards Bill. Bill’s knuckles were white from gripping his beer bottle with such nervous conviction.

He ended the song with grace and sorrow. “Send this smile over to you.” Bill got shivers. Ted smiled hugely as he stepped towards Bill, letting the bartender announce the next performer.

“Well, dude, how’d I do?”

Bill gave him the most enthusiastic smile he could muster, which wasn’t very enthusiastic at all. “You were most excellent, Ted my friend.”

“Why thank you, Bill my friend.” They pounded their bottles together triumphantly before they both took huge gulps of their respective beers. Bill swallowed hard. They hardly spoke for the rest of the night.

 

* * *

 

 

Bill let Ted lead the way back from the bar to their apartment. Ted’s smooth voice blabbered on about whatever crazy twist was in his most recently finished comic book while his head bobbed back and forth like one of those weird birds trying to attract a mate. The moon and neon signs reflected off of Ted’s deep brown hair like aurora borealis. Bill felt completely sick to his stomach. He kept on glancing back and forth from Ted’s hair to the sidewalk, fists clenched in determination at his side. His face was red and hot and he felt something harden in his throat like a pearl in an oyster. He looked at Ted’s hair and remembered his Dad calling one of his teenage neighbors a freak because he wore nail polish and eyeliner. He stared at Ted’s large, gentle hands and recalled Captain Logan talking about those “fags in New York City trying to get special treatment just for giving themselves diseases”. He admired Ted’s broad, protective shoulders and heard his old classmates call each other fruity for washing their hair. His eyes stung and his vision grew blurry as he let out a deep breath and tried to focus on something else.

Ted slammed the door behind them as they walked into their disaster of an apartment, tossing the keys onto the kitchen counter. Bill started to meander wordlessly into the bedroom.

“Dude.” Ted’s voice was weirdly serious. “What’s going on? You’ve been acting most strange for the past several weeks. Is something going on?”

Bill stopped in his tracks, not bothering to look over his shoulder, raising a hand dismissively. “No dude, I’m fine, don’t worry about it. It’s nothing.”

“Bill.” No response. “ _Bill!_ ” Bill had never heard Ted raise his voice ever. He turned around to face his taller counterpart, eyes cartoonishly wide in shock. Ted looked intimidating, towering over Bill like that. His eyes were dark and his hair fell in front of his face like curtains in an old mansion. “Dude, we have been compadres for the past thirteen years. We’ve cheated on tests together, we’ve jammed out together, we _time_ _traveled_  together. And throughout all of that we have never, ever, kept secrets from each other. I’ve seen you lie, though, and I know what it looks like. So you gotta tell me what’s going-”

“I’m gay.” Bill didn’t even decide to say it, it just burst out of him like feedback from an overloaded amp. His face paled with dread and he started to shake. Ted’s face relaxed and he took a step back. Bill tried to stand his ground, to stay noble and strong, but everything bubbled up and the next thing he knew he was sobbing. Shaking and weeping into his hands as his shoulders heaved, standing isolated on the stained carpet of their shabby flat. Ted stood watching as his best friend sniffled and choked. Bill finally showed his face after a solid two minutes of crying, red and puffy and streaked with tears. His blue eyes glistened under the fluorescent LEDs. Bill stared up at the ceiling and sniffled again.

Ted was a complete bystander. He was simply watching as his own feet lurched across the floor to Bill. He was an onlooker to the hands that grabbed Bill’s face and brought it into his own. He forced himself onto the playing field, though, so he could witness the play of the millenia. Bill was frozen for a moment as Ted’s eyes squeezed shut, faces pressed together like tectonic plates, long brown hair covering both of them from the judgemental view of the beer bottles and chip bags littering the floor. Bill eventually relaxed his shoulders, putting his left hand on the small of Ted’s back, and his right deep into the soft locks of hair he had admired for so long. Bill parted his lips ever so slightly, and Ted showed no hesitation as he pushed his lips through to Bill’s mouth. They moved and swayed together like the trees, crashed into the wall like the waves, breathed together like the wind, feeling and grasping every cell in the other’s mouth. Ted squeezed Bill’s hair in his fist, Bill pushed Ted’s stomach further into his own.

Eventually Bill had to break free, dying for breath and an explanation. His face was still wet and red, but his eyes were wide and calm, staring up at Ted in wonder and confusion. Ted’s hair was still messy and shaggy, but now it was ruffled and stood up in strange places.

Bill only stared at him until Ted took it upon himself to interpret his silence and break it. He stepped back and ran his hands through his hair, face growing more panicked by the second.

“Oh god. I’m sorry, du-”

“No. You didn’t do anything wrong, man.” Bill took a step toward Ted. “How did you know… I wanted that?” Ted was in shock.

“I… didn’t? But I did. Want it, I mean. So I went for it, I guess.” “Oh. Well, I liked it.” They stared at each other for a moment before Bill pressed himself into Ted’s chest, squeezing him like a gogurt in the summer. He sniffled a few more times, and he had fresh tear marks on his face once he pulled away a few moments later.

“Can we- can we keep on doing that?”

“Like, like boyfriends?”

“Yeah, er, I mean, whatever. If you want it to be boyfriends then it can be-”

“Yeah, I’d like that.” Ted broke into a goofy grin. “Bill my love.”

**Author's Note:**

> hello again! just wanted to mention that i got this from a prompt by rockbubblw on tumblr, and a fic by ottertedlogan, also on tumblr.


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